Thursday, October 10, 2019
Saturday, April 30, 2016
10 Things High EQ People Don’t Do
Many people hang their success in life on their IQ level. Yet, there is something that can be an even stronger predictor of success. We all know really smart people who are limited in their lives because they just don’t play well with others. They have high IQs, but horribly low EQs. The good news is that while your IQ may be a bit harder to change, anyone can work on developing a better EQ.
Why should you care about enhancing your EQ? Because people who have developed their emotional intelligence enjoy more success in every area of life: social, emotional, physical, and financial. This is because life almost always involves interacting in some way with other people, and high EQ people just make each interaction more rewarding for everyone.
While EQ isn’t always easy to change quickly, with a bit of effort, most people can improve their emotional intelligence with coaching, self-introspection, and feedback from others. The other good news is that EQ naturally increases with age, even if you don’t conscientiously work on furthering it.
There are four main pillars that support a healthy emotional intellect.
- High EQ people are self aware. Instead of just feeling without understanding the source, they can trace their emotions back to their origins and see them logically. They also have a realistic grasp of their strengths and weaknesses.
- High EQ people conduct self management. They can rein themselves in, delay gratification, account for the needs of others, and balance their desires accordingly. They can also walk the middle ground between initiative and patience. They handle change well and follow through with commitments.
- High EQ people are socially aware. They understand and tune into other people’s emotions and can adapt to unspoken social cues. They can also see the interpersonal interactions within groups and larger organizations.
- High EQ people excel at relationship management. They just play well with others, inspire and influence people positively, communicate well, and manage conflict proactively.
In short, high EQ people draw you in and make you want to stay in their circles. How do you know if you have a high EQ? One way is to look at what emotional intellectuals don’t do.
1. They don’t react rashly.
Instead of reacting, high EQ people craft calculated responses. Life is full of stressors. Everyone has their own battles. However, people with high EQ learn to manage their responses to triggers in a proactive way. They learn how to calm down and relax in situations where low EQ people revert to panic and fear. They manage their more basic tendencies to react emotionally and filter that through their reasoning abilities to default to stress management activities.
High EQ people learn to not make decisions when angry, hurt, or scared. Instead, they self manage, get to a better mental state, and then make better decisions after reviewing the situation from their happy place.
2. They don’t avoid new experiences, ideas, or people.
I’m not saying that people with high EQ don’t have strong beliefs or ideas. They do. However, they are not afraid of learning more about other perspectives or having their beliefs challenged. They are open in their thinking vs. closed. They are intellectually curious. They often have friends from every walk of life and faith. They always seek new possibilities. They understand that they can’t always be right, and have the humility to embrace the fact that there is always more that they can learn.
Even when they do disagree with a concept, they consider why their first initial response was to dislike the idea and self analyze why this occurs. They refrain from reacting solely emotionally, and instead respond intelligently.
High EQ individuals see the best in other people. They aren’t afraid to accept help from others, as they realize their own limits and lean on trusted mentors when necessary.
High EQ people are not afraid of change and don’t need rules and structure to feel secure. They don’t remain emotionally unavailable to others or withhold intimacy from their loved ones. They aren’t afraid to have their beliefs or ideas challenged. They also don’t stubbornly cling to concepts and refuse to even entertain new facts that are presented to them.
3. They don’t focus only on self.
This is not to say that high EQ individuals don’t take time for themselves when needed. In fact, going into martyrdom mode is also not healthy. However, high EQ people are empathetic towards others. When it comes to people, they focus more externally vs. being self-absorbed. Instead of seeing life through the lens of their own needs and wants, they have the ability to look at the world from a bigger perspective and walk a mile in another person’s shoes. They are also more forgiving of themselves and others.
High EQ people don’t attack, judge, interrupt, invalidate, criticize, command, lecture, or blame people. They also don’t try to analyze others when they try to share their feelings. They aren’t jealous over loved one’s successes, but celebrate their victories.
4. They don’t become bitter.
Many people don’t take responsibility for their feelings; instead, they blame outside sources for them. However, if you think about it, this is a very basic way to behave. What happens if you take a toy from a child before they are ready to give it up? They cry and throw a tantrum.
You may have met people who still react like a two-year-old child when they are challenged. It’s so much more healthy for people to grow up emotionally as they grow up physically, but this doesn’t always occur. We can all usually “see” what’s wrong in a situation, but most low EQ people don’t move past that step of identifying the problem to finding a solution for it. Instead, they follow the predicable negative chain reaction that can lead to implosion.
High EQ individuals are also not afraid of a challenge, and don’t throw in the towel when they realize that they are not on the correct course. They make adjustments and keep working on solutions to their obstacles.
High EQ individuals don’t go through life feeling like the world owes them. They look within to determine why they do what they do, so they aren’t doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over.
5. They don’t stay ignorant about inner motives.
Ultimately, it comes down to what Socrates proclaimed so long ago. To have high EQ, you must “Know Thyself.”
High EQ individuals understand the chain reaction that occurs that brings about their emotions. They also can explain why they are experiencing certain feelings without blaming someone else. High EQ people are never emotionally dishonest and don’t withhold information, or downright lie, about what they are feeling. They also don’t minimize or exaggerate their emotions, nor do they let things build up until they blow up.
Being self aware helps you understand why you react as you do and if needed, to take steps to change it. You must learn who you are, and more importantly, not let others define you with their self-imposed expectations. As you become more self aware and manage your emotions more effectively, you also are able to subsequently better understand the reactions of others. This ultimately creates better personal relationships and overall happiness.
Some great questions to help you discover more about your inner workings are, “Why do I act like that?” “Why do I believe this way?” “Why am I afraid of having that concept challenged?”
6. They don’t clam up or blow up.
High EQ individuals are communication masters. They have excellent verbal and non-verbal communication and listening skills. They manage conflict better, have stronger relationships, and are able to convey thoughts in a non-threatening, respectful manner. Good communication also increases their ability to influence others in a positive way.
High EQ people, in addition to being more aware of their feelings, are also not afraid to share those feelings with others. And, they check their ego in at the door when it comes to gaining wisdom, insight, and feedback from trusted sources.
High EQ people often use phrases such as “I feel..” to express their emotions. However, they don’t use “I feel that…” This phrasing is often a tip off to a thought disguised as a feeling. For example, “I feel like you…” While the true “I feel” messages give necessary information in a non-threatening manner, the “you” messages usually do not reveal the person’s actual feelings, but can be thinly-veiled accusations.
High EQ individuals also don’t lay guilt trips on others. Instead, they always tell them where they honestly stand in the relationship. Instead of acting out their feelings by resorting to negative actions like door slams, moodiness, passive aggression, or silence, they talk about them calmly.
High EQ people also never resort to playing emotional games and manipulating others. They are excellent listeners, and do not interrupt or invalidate. They are open to other opinions and won’t try to “win” an argument by focusing on facts over feelings. They also don’t act superior or use intellect to judge and criticize others without considering the impact of their actions.
7. They don’t forget about balance.
High EQ people look at life from a balanced, positive viewpoint. They aren’t overly pessimistic or unrealistically optimistic. They tend to be happy and successful. They recognize the good in others and in themselves. They are forgiving of flaws. They make the best out of difficult situations, embracing hardships to help fuel their personal development and improvement. They also keep their sense of humor and find the light side of their trials. High EQ people understand what is within their control, and what is not. They don’t beat themselves up for things that they have no ability to influence.
8. They don’t embrace negativity.
High EQ people are not dominated by fear, worry, guilt, shame, embarrassment, obligation, disappointment, hopelessness, powerlessness, dependency, victimization, or discouragement. They do not give or receive manipulation.
High EQ people let their own personal goals and desires motivate them—not power, wealth, status, fame, or approval. They don’t do things because of a false sense of duty, guilt, force, or obligation. They balance out their feelings with reality checks of logic when needed. They are independent, intrinsically motivated, and self reliant. They also aren’t afraid to push out of their comfort zone to reach new heights.
9. They don’t let others get to them.
Do you know people who cause others to walk on eggshells? If you are unlucky enough to inadvertently make them upset, do they carry grudges? This is a sign of very low EQ.
People who have matured emotionally are resilient, able to agree to disagree, and do not internalize failure. Even if they have had a difficult life, they have managed to learn from the pain and become an even more amazing individual. They don’t dwell on the past, but learn from it. They realize that the past is out of their control, so they choose to live in the present and shape it into a better future.
Individuals with high EQ never hold onto self-destructive belief systems and negative self talk. They refuse to feel inadequate, bitter, disappointed, resentful, or victimized. If they have a pity party, it ends quickly and they certainly don’t send out invites. Instead of focusing on their weaknesses, high EQ people target their strengths.
High EQ people refuse to entertain insecurities or cling to negative experiences. They will not be defensive and freely admit when they make a mistake and apologize. They never avoid responsibility by saying things like, “I had no choice!” They never allow other people to make decisions for them, but take the steering wheel of their lives. They are patient people and can roll with the punches when life doesn’t go as planned.
High EQ people never shut out others. While they realize relationships can be painful, they understand the value far exceeds the hurt. They will never seek out substitute relationships with less threatening and more controllable subjects like pets or imaginary people to replace the real thing.
10. They don’t fight with their head and heart.
High EQ people are able to get in touch with what they are feeling, are interested in other people’s feelings, and are comfortable talking about their emotions. However, they also can recognize that feelings don’t equal fact. They tend to look at situations logically, understand why they feel a certain way, and then work through it proactively.
Emotional intelligence is certainly not easy to obtain and requires a lot of introspection and work; which is why it is so rarely found. However, once you have mastered this skill you will stand out from the crowd, and will soon discover better interpersonal relationships, career success, happiness, and peace. That will bring about a lot more inner satisfaction than bumping up your IQ score any day!
We all probably know people, at work or in our personal lives, who are great at listening and helping us feel more hopeful and optimistic.6 Ways To Raise Your Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Featured photo credit: Young woman with guitar in forest in early autumn via shutterstock.com
Friday, December 26, 2014
The 10 Best New Restaurants of 2014...NY Times
From the foxhole where I attempt to pin stars on restaurants, the view is limited. Mostly, I can see the establishment I’m writing about that week. I may glance at its competitors, to see if Slugburger Deluxe is performing up to the high standards set by Slugburger 5000 at the Trump Galaxy. But the question I’m trying to answer, above others, is how close Slugburger Deluxe comes to succeeding on its own terms.
As I sift through a full year’s reviews, though, trying to choose the 10 new places I feel most strongly about, other questions loom into sight. Could I say, without my notes and the barrel of a deadline pressed against my temple, what makes the restaurant distinctive? Does it offer something the city was missing, or suggest a fresh approach that deserves to catch on? Did I recommend the place to friends after the review was published? Have I gone back, or wished I could? When I think about the menu, do I find myself wondering if there’s time, before my 8 p.m. reservation at the hot place that just opened, for a quick double slugburger with miso-sriracha slug sauce?
Still, readers who regard the stars with my reviews as the final word may find it unnerving that my list of my favorite restaurants of 2014 includes a one-star restaurant, while a number of two-stars don’t chart at all. And just to make things more illogical, in one case I’ve ranked a two-star (Russ & Daughters) above a three-star (the Simone).
As an example of my nonlinear thinking, a little one-star place in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, called Delaware and Hudson makes my year-end cut. Down in my foxhole, the memory of a few dishes that didn’t quite get up and dance was still fresh and seemed to require some kind of warning in the star rating. But when I look back at the restaurants that brought a fresh perspective to the dining scene this year, a few wobbly courses seem less important than Delaware & Hudson’s revival of forgotten mid-Atlantic recipes, its extraordinarily well-priced $48 set menus with their profusion of memorable tastes, and its fantastic warm pretzel rolls. Other restaurants were more consistent, but few were as original.
So while I stand by the weekly star ratings, this annual list gives more weight to other things, like value and a strong, clear point of view. Of the new restaurants I reviewed in 2014, these are the ones I remember most vividly and fondly. All 10 strike me as standing out from a pack of other new places where you can also get a good meal. Now if you need me, look for me in my foxhole. Just follow the trail of pretzel crumbs.
1. Bâtard
For New Yorkers who’ve been eating and drinking at this address since the Montrachet era, Bâtard reads like a new chapter in downtown dining. It makes a clean break with the style of the last restaurant in this space,Corton, which demanded that you submit to the will of the chef as Paul Liebrandt’s tasting menu went through its stunning gyrations. That had its rewards, but a high-spirited dining room was not one of them. Bâtard brings back the fun. You hear it in the voices and see it in the smiles of customers as they realize that this place revolves around them, not the artistry on the plate. There is plenty of that in Markus Glocker’s cooking, but it doesn’t demand supplication. The menu is à la carte, hardly a radical idea but one that puts the customer back in charge. (It also makes it much easier to pick a bottle from Bâtard’s great, largely Burgundian cellar and stick with it throughout the meal.) Mr. Glocker’s flavors make sense, and when he fusses with an ingredient, it’s not for the sake of showing off; it’s because he’s bringing to the foreground some quality that we may have missed. Some of his most enjoyable food leans toward Austria, where he was raised, like the chicken schnitzel served with what has to be the finest potato salad in the city. It’s a wonderfully sane dish in a restaurant that tries to bring sanity back to high-style dining. 239 West Broadway (Walker Street), TriBeCa; 212-219-2777.
A sit-down branch of the century-old Russ & Daughters appetizing business finally arrived this year, and not a minute too soon. As the death of Cafe Edison this month has reminded us, New Yorkers can’t keep taking blintzes, latkes and borscht for granted. The cooking of Eastern European Jews helps make up the flavor of New York, and its survival in a city of changing demographics and pitiless real estate churn isn’t guaranteed. If that food has a future, it may look like Russ & Daughters Cafe. The place offers modern innovations, like servers who don’t grumble and bark. The interior, with white marble tables and vintage photos, is soaked in history without feeling dated. And there is liquid relief for the herring-besieged palate, from a beet-lemon shrub to stronger mixed drinks and a wine list brief but built with care. All of this should help build a new audience for traditional flavors, like the mushroom-barley soup with its dark, woodsy, creamless mushroom stock or the improbably fluffy baby knishes. And, of course, there are the fishes, each more luxuriously oily than the last. The Lower East Side probably has twice as many restaurants as it needs, but this one feels essential. 127 Orchard Street (Delancey Street), Lower East Side; 212-475-4881.
3. The Simone
With its menus written in cursive, its sedate townhouse dining room on the Upper East Side and its waiters in vests and tightly knotted neckties, the Simone is easily the year’s least trendy restaurant. But trends aren’t always interesting, and the Simone’s retro ideas aren’t stale. They honestly express the sensibilities of the owners, Chip Smith, Tina Vaughn and Robert Margolis, who believe that the old-fashioned niceties are still relevant. While you’re at the Simone, you believe it, too. This extends to Mr. Smith’s cooking, which is classically French in technique but feels timeless and natural in his hands. Ms. Vaughn, his wife, has a talent for finding the right wine, and she’ll tell you why with a minimum of wine-speak but a winning level of enthusiasm. Like the restaurant, there’s nothing starchy about her.51 East 82nd Street, Upper East Side; 212-772-8861.
4. Cherche Midi
Keith McNally says he builds the kind of restaurants where he’d like to eat. Anyone seeing how well Cherche Midi has turned out will wonder why all other restaurateurs don’t do the same. The music plays so quietly that you register it subliminally, if at all. The service is free of pretense and amateurism. The menu requires no introductory speechifying, although it helps to be familiar with premodern French totems like frogs’ legs in parsley sauce, steamed mussels, crêpes suzette and îles flottantes. The star is that banquet war horse, prime rib, elevated to heroic stature. Very little about Cherche Midi is new, but there is plenty to lure you, and presumably Mr. McNally, again and again. 282 Bowery (East Houston Street), NoLIta; 212-226-3055.
5. Ivan Ramen
The name may be a mistake. Certainly it doesn’t give the full picture. LikeMomofuku Noodle Bar, Ivan Ramen is more than a place for noodle soup, though its shio ramen is a dashi-loaded blast of shimmering Jewish-grandmother chicken broth, and the spicy red chili ramen could probably end wars. Purists who measure this restaurant against traditional ramen-yas are missing the point: Ivan Ramen is a chef’s restaurant, where Ivan Orkin, a son of Long Island, plays delicious and witty games of his own with Japanese food. If you know another ramen shop in the city serving braised beef heart in dashi and beef broth that can touch Mr. Orkin’s, please send the address, now. 25 Clinton Street (Stanton Street), Lower East Side; 646-678-3859.
Patti Jackson’s $48 menus at Delaware and Hudson are some of the best deals in the city. Officially, you get four courses, but the first one includes three or four small appetizers, and the last one is a pair of desserts and a plate of mignardise that Ms. Jackson delivers herself, shyly taking a curtain call. Ms. Jackson is a generous chef, one who puts pleasure and flavor above Instagram-ready aesthetics. The value, in other words, goes beyond quality-for-dollar mathematics. Drawing on homey mid-Atlantic recipes and the pasta skills she learned in Italian kitchens, Ms. Jackson cooks as if the only point of running a restaurant is to make people happy. 135 North Fifth Street (Bedford Avenue), Williamsburg, Brooklyn; 718-218-8191.
7. Contra
The great achievement of Contra is that it’s both highly ambitious and resolutely accessible. The chefs (Jeremiah Stone handles the savory courses, while Fabian von Hauske is in charge of desserts and bread) cook expressively, gently, with an eye toward nature and an aversion for easy effects. Every dish, from monkfish with onion jam and a froth made from smoked trout to the popcorn mousse with tangerine granita, rewards curiosity with quiet surprises. This is the kind of serious cooking that often goes with marathon tasting menus and high prices, but Contra is content with five well-considered courses and a very humane price of $55. Bread is $3 extra, but worth more. 138 Orchard Street (Rivington Street), Lower East Side; 212-466-4633.
8. Dirty French
Rich Torrisi and Mario Carbone’s strategy at their latest restaurant is to splatter classic French cooking with non-French spices and flavors, and when it works you get dishes so original and unexpected they almost make you dizzy. The two chefs seem to question everything when they’re building a new restaurant; with this one, they asked whether antiques like silver punch bowls (for oysters) and carafes (for red wines, even ones that don’t need decanting) could add an edge of celebratory decadence that feels right for these times. The answer is yes. They have too many ideas, and excess can be their downfall; the menu needs pruning, the prices are borderline hostile and the room is probably too large and raucous to guarantee a good time for everyone in it. Still, I can say without thinking twice that some of the most extraordinary food I ate this year came from the kitchen of Dirty French.180 Ludlow Street (East Houston Street), Lower East Side; 212-254-3000.
9. Gato
Too often, the reward we get for treating our chefs like celebrities is a menu that seems to have been texted from a first-class lounge at the Aspen airport.Bobby Flay didn’t do that with Gato. He chases vivid, intense flavors as if they hold the secret of eternal youth. The food, nominally Mediterranean but cooked with all-American enthusiasm, piles up salt, acid, char, smoke, spice and every other trick Mr. Flay knows, and he knows a few. A few dishes seem overdressed, but more often the result is a giddy kind of sensory overload. Out of the kitchen, Mr. Flay demonstrates restraint; the tables aren’t jammed together, and the wine list shows a rare mercy to customers who want to spend less than $50 a bottle. Manhattan could use more places like that. 324 Lafayette Street (East Houston Street), NoHo; 212-334-6400.
10. Bar Bolonat
Contemporary Israeli food is the idea, which means a multiethnic mix of seasonings that the chef, Einat Admony, grew up with in Tel Aviv. The shrimp in a coconut-turmeric curry is Yemenite, the stew of green herbs with house-made couscous and braised short rib is Iranian, and the fried cauliflower with tahini is decorated with Bambas, a peanut-puff snack that Israeli children feast on. Bar Bolonat is getting better as it goes along, too, dampening the noise while turning up the flavors. 611 Hudson Street (West 12th Street), West Village; 212-390-1545.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Novartis Has Largest Japan Exposure Among Big Pharma - Stocks To Watch Today - Barrons.com
Novartis Has Largest Japan Exposure Among Big Pharma - Stocks To Watch Today - Barrons.com
Big U.S. and European pharmaceutical companies face some short-term economic disruption from the earthquake disaster. But Leerink Swann analyst Seamus Fernandez assures that it should “be muted relative to other industries.”
On average the eight Big Pharma names Fernandez covers — Pfizer (PFE), Merck & Co. (MRK), Eli Lilly & Co. (LLY), Bristol-Myers Squibb (BMY), AstraZeneca(AZN), GlaxoSmithKline (GSK), Novartis (NVS) and Sanofi Aventis (SNY) – get 7% to 8% of their sales and 9% to 10% of their earnings per share from Japan. Bristol-Myers Squibb is the least exposed, with 3% of sales coming from Japan, while Novartis has the most exposure. The Swiss drug maker gets 10.9% of it’s pharmaceutical sales and 8% of its total revenue from Japan. GlaxoSmithKline, meanwhile, has the most bottom-line exposure, according to Fernandez. The exact figures are available in a research note he published today.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
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